"I wanna be your happiness."

I don't know what to do anymore. I've spent so long pretending I knew what to do and how to take care of this and myself and how to balance my brain, but this...this is terrifying. I don't know how to tell the ones who need to know because I don't know how they'll handle it. "You're a teenager." Yes. "You're crazy." Quite possibly. I'm tired of hearing it. I'm tired of hiding it and getting frustrated with myself for not being able to control my brain. I want to rein it in and make it behave but it runs rampid and destroys every good thing. I want to feel okay. Not manic or depressed or scared. I want to be normal. I want to function normally with normal people. I want to be able to look you in the eye with out being afraid of you seeing it. I want to do things and not get upset. I want this not to be me. I just want it to all go the fuck away and leave me alone. And sometimes I want to not be alive anymore, but I know that's not an option and I could never.
But mostly, I want you to be able to look at me without seeing some psychopathic maniac behnd a shell of a girl.
Because that's all I see anymore.