WHYISTHISHAPPENINGTOME? WHYAMIFALLINGAPART?

Sing to me again.

I want to see in your mind more than I did.
I want to know what you know.
Because I won't think you're crazy.
Because they think I'm crazy.
"Sketched out."
No. I'm not.
I know this to be true.
No, I don't want to talk about it.
No, I don't want you to agree with it.
But I don't want you to call me crazy.
"To go insane you must, at some point, be sane."
Maybe I was.
Maybe I never was.

Maybe you feel just like me. Maybe no one does.
I think the latter.

I've got my hand over my heart. The beating is there, but just barely. It's too faint to be real.

The lack of blood is inhuman.

Three degrees off normal.

Lock me up and throw away the key. I know you want to.

This is only getting worse.
My mind is only getting scarier.

Tell me it freaks you out, imagine how I feel.
I'm stuck with it eating away at me 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. 52 weeks a year.
I can't get away. Ever.

I'm creating a new world. A small imaginary one with angry people. The way people look without their masks.
The way they talk without the recordings.

It's mean and angry and intolerable and I love it.

"Doesn't matter how you feel, life's just a ferris wheel."

My mind is at total peace.
Tonight was amazing.
I haven't been this content in a while.
I saw into a mind so beautiful...so magnificently amazing...I can't even believe.
Goodnight, world.
I've fallen back in love.

Tripping eyes...

Lethargic minds.
Vomit me back into the pit of God's stomach and churn me up.
Naturality in reverse and upside down.
Hold my hand until never. And then some more.
I don't know how to say what I need to without being put away.
To go insane you must, at some point, be sane.
Don't know what's left and right or up and down,
when I'm on my back at the bottom of this well.
There was a light, but someone covered it and now I can't see.
Reality hurts worst when you're sober.
Been eating pills like candy and murdering my stomach.
I thought I was seeing a brighter tomorrow, but it turned into a darker yesterday.
And I can't promise you that I'll come out in one piece this time.
Don't worry about me, because I'm fine. Or I will be someday.
Maybe.
I just want someone that doesn't only care so I care back.
Because that's not always the case.
And no, I don't love you like I did yesterday.
And I'll probably love you less tomorrow.
And so on and so forth...
Get me out of mind because I'm almost out of time,
to save myself and them before the whole game's over.
And before you're gone forever.

I don't care what you think as long as it's about me.

The best of us can find happiness in misery.


I think the world is jealous of something we have and they don't. The tortured, morbid minds that will never ever fit in. It's something they want, but it would kill them to have. We're special to have it, even if we don't want it.
Because not just anyone could deal with thoughts like these.
The constant plans to kill other people and yourself.
The neverending fear of things that don't exist.
The inability to sleep despite the fact that your mind is shut off.
What are we?
Who are we?
Are we just more kids...adults even, with messed up minds? Or are we something more.
Maybe we're a missing piece in a puzzle of billions. The ones that are there, you just can't find them.
Until everything else is in place. Then they show up...
I think that's us.
I think we mean more to this joke than we realize.
We are the punchline that no one gets.

She writes hate in big red letter cos that's all she'll ever know.

The time on these posts are 2 hours behind.
Kinda like my mind at night.

Keep Quiet.

Tired eyes hide under canopy lashes that keep you out and me in.
And you’ll never know a secret so big.
I take too many pills and don’t sleep enough.
Total wreck.
And do you ever notice.
Not as long as I smile out a “good, how are you?”
Barbie heart in the way that it can still be broken, but I don’t feel a thing.
Patch me back up and set me on the shelf.

Goodnight, stranger.

Laugh at me. I laughed at the blood on the carpet.

www.morningvision.blogspot.com

Lua

When everything is lonely,
I can be my own best friend.
I get a coffee and the paper;
Have my own conversations:
With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection.
The mask I polish in the evenin',
By the mornin' looks like shit.

Can't sleep cant sleep can't sleep.

Pain is shooting through my body and no amount of pills is helping.
And everytime I close my eyes all I hear is screaming.
All I see is burning.

Hold me tight and sing me to sleep.

I need to let this spill.

Aaron,
I miss you. I love you. I need you back.
But at the same time, I don't.
I don't know if you meant it when you told me you loved me, but I know I did. And I still do.
I'm not mad anymore. Just heartbroken.
I want to know WHY you left. Why didn't you tell me?
Was it because I wouldn't fuck you? Or maybe it was that I couldn't be with you 24/7.
Or could it have been that I wasn't pretty or nice enough.
Maybe I loved you too much.
Maybe I gave too much without expecting much in return.
I gave you everything.
My heart, my innocence, my love and attention. Everything. And you took it willingly and still wanted more.
I told you I wanted to wait. I told you that sex was a big deal to me. Why the fuck couldn't you respect that?
Why couldn't you wait a few months?
And then you convinced me. I loved you, you loved me, everything would be okay.
But I was scared and you didn't give a shit.
You held me and told me it would be okay, and I believed you then but not now.
And when I freaked out last minute, you were furious. You didn't tell me you loved me for almost 2 weeks.
Believe me when I tell you I wanted it. Just not then.

And that's what makes me believe that all you wanted was sex. Because if there was something else, you sure as hell didn't show it.
And if you loved me, you would have understood.

You were my world. I have NEVER. EVER. loved someone as much as I loved you. EVER.
And I just can't stop.
I've cried and sliced myself open for you again and again. Literally bleeding love.
And even when you saw the scars, you didn't seem very concerned. A "What the fuck were you thinking?" doesn't make things better.
Maybe a "I'm sorry. I love you." Or something.
But no. I got SHIT.

And then you were gone.
And I can't forget about you.
No matter how much I want to.
You are super glued to my heart. Unfortunately.

I need someone else.

-Bethy

The End.

Maybe.
I may do antoher chapter, but not now.
I'm watching the VMAs.

I'm infuckinglove with Russel Brand.
I want his babies.
Kay bye.

CHapter 14: If You Loved Me, You Would Be Here With Me.

"She told me something." Ryan whispered. He was sitting curled up in a sick, green hospital chair with Brendon on one side of him and Aleks on the other. Aleks could barely see through puffy, red, tear filled eyes. Brendon and Aleks both turned their heads toward Ryan as he spoke, but neither of them said a thing. "She said she wants me and Brendon to take the baby if something happens to her. She wants us to raise her."
Brendon nodded and pulled Ryan tight against him. A silent tear slid down his face as a doctor appeared in the doorway. The doctor pulled his mask down and walked carefully over to the three crying men. They knew immediately. He sat odwn in a chair across from them and folded his hands in front of him.
"We couldn't do anything to save Jasey." He spoke clearly. Almost like he was scared to mess up or stutter at all. "But the baby is fine." The three of them sobbed instantly.
"Can we see her?" Ryan choked.
"I don't know if it'd be for the best..."
"Jasey wants us," He gestured towards Brendon, then to himself "To take her."
"Then I guess you can." He sighed. "Follow me."

The three of them followed the doctor down a long hallway towards the nursery. Ryan and Brendon squeezed each other's hands nervously as they walked.
"Right through here." He stepped aside and pushed open a pink door. "The nurse will bring her to you." They stepped through the door into a relatively empty room. There were a few bassinets lined up against the far wall, but all of them were empty. A short, blonde nurse stepped out of another door at the back of the room. She carried a tiny pink bundle held close to her chest. She walked slowly to stand in front of Ryan and Brendon. Carefully, and ever so gently, she placed the tiny, squirming bundle into Ryan's open arms.
"Jamey." He whispered through silent tears.
"Jamey?" Aleks and Brendon asked together.
"It combines Spence's middle name and Jasey's first name. Jamey." He rubbed a thumb across her round, pink cheeks and smiled a little through the tragedy that surrounded him.
"Jamey..."

Chapter 13: I'm Your Mind Giving You Someone To Talk To.

/Aleks' POV.

"They said we could go back and see her." Brendon explained. "But only for a little while. She's not quite all there."
"But she's conscious?" Aleks asked. Brendon nodded.
"She asked for Ryan." Brendon continued. Aleks and Ryan exchaanged a confused glance and Ryan stammered a little bit before saying "Uhm...kay?" And heading towards the back of the hospital.

"Jase?" He whispered as he pushed the heavy wooden door open.
"Ry?" She answered. Her voice was cracked and raspy. Ryan walked quickly to her side, taking her hand and sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Ry, I want to talk to you about the baby." She whispered. His eyeborws wrinkled up in the middle of his forehead.
"What about her?"
"If something heppens to me-"
"Jase, you're gonna be fine." She shook her head.
"Just listen. If something happens to me, I want you and Brendon to take her. Take care of her."
"Jasey, do you really think they're gonna let a gay couple adopt a baby?"
"If I tell them to they fucking better. I want you guys to raise her."
He nodded. "Okay. We will. We'll try our fucking hardest to get her."
"Promise me."
"I promise."
"I love you, Ry. Tell Brendon and Aleks I love them too."
"Jase, they're coming ba- Jase?" The machine to the right of the bed started beeping faster and a nurse rushed in. She pushed Ryan away and busied herself around Jasey. Two more nurses and a tall, gray haired doctor pushed passed him.
"Mr. Ross, I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the room, please." The doctor commanded. He rushed to Jasey who was now unconscious.
"Is she okay?" Ryan mumbled, not loud enough for anyone to hear him. He backed out of the room and into Brendon. Brendon wrapped his arms around hum and pulled him closer.
"Bren, she's not okay, is she?" He choked.

A milli a milli a milli

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
I hate god.
Simple.
He deserves to die.


I'm working on the next chapter in my story, so it'll be up soon. Hopefully yonight, but if not then definitely tomorrow night.

Full update soon.
I need to spill my brain.
It's imploding.