I don't count the pills, I just take them.

And this is all you need to see.

Am I hurting your eyes yet?

She said she won the world at a carnival.

Neon streetlights under nuclear sea skies.
She misses looking off the edge of the world.
Through the clouds and far far away.
Come skip with her through the misty gold
And down a ray of moonlight.
Dance with her in the downpour.
Sing with her through the thunder.
Ride with her on the lightening bolts.
She just wants to love but doesn't know how.
The fire can't fall for the snow.
-idontloveyouimjustpassingthetime
BETHY.

Dance Through The Sky On Dreams We Don't Believe.

Here we are again
Sitting on rooftops and dreaming
wishing to get away.
Laying on the moon turning
stars on strings.
Watching the world spin faster
and I'm glad we're not on it.
Maybe the sun will forget to come up.

Wake up in a cold bed with the sun
shining through the window into tired eyes.
It didn't forget.
Pray for another day to get away.
And lay on the moon turning
stars on strings
and watch the world spin faster.

Step out the door and there's a ribbon
where the day meets the night.
The sun's not quite up and the moon's
barely down.
And you want to walk that line between
opposing sides.

Whisper a secret to the moon
'cause the sun's your worst enemy.
And watch the world turn faster
and the stars spin out of control.

Whisper a secret to the moon
'cause the sun's your worst enemy.

Whisper a secret to the moon
'cause the sun's your worst enemy.

And today it forgot to come up.

Whisper secrets to the sun
because the moon never went down.


----------
PS! That's a song...
That I wrote.
-Bethy<3

Cynicism. And I'm apathetic.

I hate the way I am. I hate the way I can look at the way I hurt you and be completely okay with it. I hate the way I love the way I don't care. Being this fucking apathetic isn't natural. I've become immune to emotions and everything that should affect me...doesn't. I want to walk until I can't walk anymore. I want out of here and I want to leave you behind. I want to watch you explode. I'm just dust on your shoes. I don't mean a thing. Wipe me off an forget I ever existed.
I'm sorry. I still love you. I swear I do.

Tell her a story.

My eyes feel like they're rotting out of my skull. Just lovely. It's been a long, uneventful day and I'm ready for tomorrow. My bedroom walls only hold my secrets because I've got a big mouth and can't hold my own. They're the only ones who see me fidget with my hair and slice up the tips of my fingers while I wait for you to call. They only know who I am, not who I pretend to be. And I only tell them everything because- it feels like home. Walls don't talk. But if they did then this mask would melt and the walls would collapse and you'd know me and I'd see you. But walls don't talk. And this is why I'm sitting here wishing they did, because then I wouldn't have to be "me" anymore. I could be ME. I swear to god I'm through with this. Yeah, Bethy. Keep telling yourself that. Another lie only helps the story, right? Right.
forgeteverythingistillsay
-BETHY

Drown me in this thing called love.

Tonight I laid in the bathtub and let the water rise over my head. Then I held my breath just to see how long I could do it. I held it until I could feel my heart beat everywhere but my heart. It felt like I was going to explode. Like my lungs were going to leap out of my chest in one swift motion and leave me lying there dead. Then I sat back up into reality and realized that that feeling was too good to be true. I was still alive and my lungs were doing fine. Dreams never really do come true, only nightmares. Now I'm laying here trying to go to sleep and sleep is nowhere in sight despite the two sleeping pills I just took. My radio's singing something about saying sorry with a last breath for bleeding on your shirt. Sounds phenomenal. These aren't just bad nerves, this is me on the verge of breaking down. Are you wiling to catch me if I fall.
someonesaveme
-BETHY

"There's pain in what you write."

I think someone finally saw through this fucking wall. I'm tired of buliding walls of emotions to block people out just because I'm afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone. I let myself get too close to a person and end up getting them ripped out of my life, so I build walls. It's a defense mechanism that just comes natural. But someone finally saw through it and got why I do it. I know your arms are open and I know you're willing to take me into them but don't expect me to run to you. I'm just not that kind of person. I'm the kind of person that wants you to snatch me up and hold me when I'm upset, even if I try to fight you off. I don't run to help, I let help run to me. Who I am is who I'll be.

Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

This is a mean and lonely girl who can't sleep at night. This is laying in the middle of the floor and wanting yesterday back even though yesterday was a living hell-it was better than today. This is looking at your best friend and knowing it's the last time you'll ever see them. And this is why I am who I am and it is why I do what I do and that is why I love you so much. Nothing can take back what happened and nothing could get me out of here fast enough. Now I'm thinking of becoming some sort of addict so i can distract myself from something that's nonexistant. After that I think I'll go lay in my nice cold bed and wish to have you back. Call me cliche.
"The real hell is your life gone wrong."

I'm finding it in me to make the sun shine a little brighter.

I need to brighten my days and smile more. I need to make this shit last. I'll go for a walk in the dark wearing sunglasses and a hood and pretend the sun's still shining. I'm gonna tell jokes that aren't funny just to make myself laugh. I need to forget I ever pretended to be happy when I wasn't. Then I'm going to pretend again. Keep tapping me on the shoulder and looking for answers. I'll keep giving you fake smiles.
"You wake up but not really. In the bedroom you grew up in. It's the only place on this entire planet that is yours. The only place on the planet that understands you. It understands the way your nerves flare everytime you think about talking to anyone, scared into shyness at the thought of opening your mouth but the way you are the best hypocrite around when you're in front of a microphone. It knows what turns that switch on and off and on again. It understands the way when you don't have a smile on your face everyone only spits: "what's wrong"s and "you look tired"s. So the way you keep it on your face just wide enough to avoid questions. It understands how neurotic you have become, the way you treat your flaws like old friends. The way you look in the mirror and think of yourself as "Mr. Misery". "
<3 Pete Wentz, you make me smile. I hate that your name is so cliche.
-Imsmilingalittlebit

We were just getting to the part where the shock sets in and the stomach acid finds a way to make you get sick.

I woke up this morning with a knot in my stomach followed by that sick feeling you get when you realize that something you deny actually happened. Truth be told, when I went to sleep last night I was hoping that I wouldn't wake up. But I did and now I'm dealing with the same things that made me crawl into my closet for three hours yesterday. I want to talk to a psychiatrist just so I can have someone over analyze things and tell me how fucked up I am. I regret regretting what I said because I meant every word of it. I know I don't make sense, but play along. Don't say you get me because I don't even get me. Let's go through life like robots and pretend we don't feel a thing.
-nooneknowshowitreallygoes
-BETHY