As of late

I have been absolutely and totally unsure of everything except for the fact that I am okay.
I do not want to die.
I do not want to hurt myself or anyone else.
I don't care if I was just a week long fling.
I don't care if you don't like me.
I don't care if I piss you off.
It doesn't bother me that I'm fucking psycho.
Or that I'm not gorgeous.
I'm not happy with the way things are, but I'm content.
It will do until it gets better.
And the best part is that I know it will get better. It always will.
I love my friends,
I love my family,
And I love who I am.
All you need is love, right?
:)

No sleep for the crazies.

I'm positive that I am absolutely insane.There are voices and they talk to me. More frequently than ever before. The always want to kick me off the committee. "What fucking committee?" and then they laugh and drift away. I'm not sure what that means. They don't like me. But sometimes there's a little boy calling for help. He's screaming in French "Je désolé!" I don't know how to help him though and I don't know what he's sorry for. The other ones just laugh at him. This pained, tortured laugh. It isn't funny.
Does this sound far fetched? It's the complete truth. 100%. My mind is turning into a different world and I am stuck in it.
And on top of the schizophrenia, there's the up and downs. I don't know whatwhohowwhyorwhen they started but lately I've been all over the place. Sometimes I love everything and everyone but five minutes later I'm fileting my arms and legs. I gotta take the pills to make my brain behave. It only works a tiny bit.
Then there's the most recent development. Paranoia. I can't sleep because I'm scared of dying. I cant take a shower because I could slip and fall. Everyone I love ignores me and hates me. I'm a mistake and I can't do a thing right. I will never amount to anything. I will be nothing. Nobody.

This isn't a bad case of melodrama. This is my brain laid out and disected for your observance.
Yes, I'm terrified you'll turn on me and lock me up.
But I'm sick of keeping quiet because it's making me sick.
Physically and mentally.

"Should I just get along with myself? I never did get along with anybody else."

They say the average person spends 7 years of their life waiting.
On other people. On themselves. On absolutely nothing.
I'm sure I have beat the norm because I never stop waiting.
For you. For him.
Someone I will never get.
But I keep waiting and waiting.
Like maybe eventually Jesus will feel sorry for me.
Pity party of 1, your table is ready?
Close, but no cigar.
I'm going to waste my life waiting because I refuse to quit.
I want nothing but to be okay.
And if I have to wait forever and the next day, them I'ma pull up a chair.
Don't know when but a day is gonna come.
It's on its way, I swear it.
Don't waste your breath arguing with manics.
There's no point.
You gotta breathe with that shit, kid.
Leave me be.
Let me believe it.
Let me fool myself some more.
I'm sure you think I'm a nut case.
And I'm sure that if they ever knew what I really meant,
They'd lock me up and throw away the key.
Scary? I think so.
I'm not normal.
But finally, it doesn't bother me in the least.
There are voices that no one else hears.
And highs and lows that no one has quite figured out.
But I've got love.
And I am nothing without that love.

Where are my manners? I'm so off topic.
Incidently, I am still waiting for them to lock me up for talking to no one.