Fists almost flew.

Watched a fight today.
It took everything I've got not to jump in nd kick some ass.
Would've ended up getting mine kicked, though.
I hate the way I fight for you.
But I kinda hate you still.
Stop lying to yourself, Bethy,
You love these people.


be back with more later.
But probably not.


Haven't slept properly in 3.25 days.

Beating lonely at it's own game.

Something's not right.
Something's not right.
Thing's are going wrong.

I wish you the best, though I'm not quite in the best of spirits.
Sadly I cannot turn back time or make it speed up.
All I can do is sit back quietly and watch it pass me by. But can do nothing to catrch up.
Yes, I contradict myself. Yes, I make no sense. Yes, I talk shit. Yes, I lie. Yes, I'm human.

Of course I wish I were a robot, silly duck.

My eyes are tripping. I'm slipping into unconsciousness.
Fall.
Hit hard.
Nothing's cushioning the blow.

Was that you? I remember about 20% of what I write. I mean about half of that.
Don't take me too seriously or I'll piss you off.

Nothing I write is poetic anymore.
Currently obsessed with making myself feel like shit. Stop trying to make me feel better about me.
You're not succeeding.
Just let me go.
Roll.
Flow.
SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.
You're going nowhere fast.
Even passing me in this (human)race.

Water only runs hot for so long.

Don't sleep through much anymore.

The recent realization of me never being three years from now is keeping me on edge.
Learned my lessons the hard way.
Taught you yours as easy as possible.
There's nothing as shrill as your voice at three AM when it is too late to be awake but too early to go to sleep.
I think the thing that hurt the most is me getting used to let downs and push downs.
Learned the difference between this and that and that and this and this and that and love and hurt.
Wait...
Oh. I'm sure you caught that.

Make memories of a great time and the memories will kill to look back on.
I love love love love love love love you.
More than you could ever know.

Keep saying that.
Keep it up.
I believe me now.
Too bad I'm a bad liar.

"This is a public service announcement. This is only a test."

Plans for Friday fell through.
Feels like my head did too.
Chances never work out.
Rules are(n't) meant to be broken.
I've been keeping a list of facts.
Updating it everyday.
Keep an eye out. I might toss it up here.


Life is a lose lose situation.
I've recently realized this.
I've been writing things for someone who's never going to see them.
And I'm gonna keep going.
It helps improve my grammar...and such.
Who am I kidding? I'm just making excuses.

Currently sitting here and wishing someone cared more than this screen.

I'm more disappointed than I ever have been and my finger tips can't explain in words how much I hate this.

Been praying to god and hoping he'll answer.
So far I'm being ignored.

Not so sure he exists anymore.
Never was.

Had a Fall Out with a boardie.
Over Tyga.
Because that man is BOSS and she doesn't think so.

These things are only temporary but they seem to last forever.
None of this will matter in 100 years.
I'll forget them in five.

Hope you don't wake up wth headaches and blurry eyes.
Holding your dinner down long enough to get to the toilet.
I kow I do.
Hope you sleep like a baby.
And are as happy as a clam.
I know I am.

Ever realize what oxymorons those analogies are?
Babies don't sleep well and clams live to be steamed and have their prized possesions stolen.

Live and love are only one letter off.
Anger is Danger without the D.

Crying gets you nothing but puffy eyes and a pussy reputation.

Punching mirrors doesn't hurt anyone but you and you.
WIsh I could be your reflection sometimes.

I think I'm making sense but I'm too pilled up to be sure.
Let me know what you think.

Getting used to things that I shouldn't have to get used to.
Apologizing for things I shouldn't have to apologize for.
Lying to people I shouldn't have to lie to.

Jesus himself couldn't help me now.
I'm too far gone to be pulled back.

Love you, kid.

Dear Mr. Wentz.

I guess it doesn't really matter what the rumors are because as long as they're there they still get you noticed.
I hope it's all alright but I've got a knot in my stomach telling me it's all wrong. Breathe deep, baby boy. Things are about to change.
I love the way you pretend looking at me doesn't hurt. It's like the fact that I've completely given up on you doesn't even matter. I'll never stop loving you or saying I miss old broken forms of who you were. Because I CAN'T. I got you In that box under my bed and I ain't puttin' you back together. I'm just another forgotten die hard watching you smile through glass. Don't worry your pretty little head. Just sleep. Sleep hard. Think harder.
"Time's a weird thing."--time just covers up the person we always were that never got noticed. You've forgotten m(e)ore than I can ever learn. Tell us we make your day, but we'll never get you only because you don't get you.
I get you more than you notice, I wrote this for you.
You're the new statistical. Typical. Household name.


Millennium romances can't compare to what you've got on the other side of that screen.


I wish you'd admit to being wrong. There's no analogy that can do justice the way I hate you but not really. I LOVE YOU. You are inspiration and false hope. You just don't know it yet. No thing's changing.
Hey baby boy, take that smile off re-(pete). It's like you don't even feel anymore. Or maybe it's because your nerves are so damaged for the years of feeling too much.
You don't know I exist but you write for me.
You don't know I love you but you love me.
YOU ARE LEGEND.
THE ONLY MAN ON EARTH WHO WOULDN'T MIND BEING THE ONLY MAN ON EARTH.
Or maybe you would.
I hope you're happy because I'm happy for you.
Keep your chin up kid, things aren't getting any worse.


Thanks for everything, baby. Even the bad stuff.

Too bad I'll never have the guts to give this to you.

XO- anonymity is your best friend.

SImple livin' is a bitch but damn I do it well.

You'll never know how much it hurts to look into your eyes and see my mistakes played back to me.
Stabs in the back.

Take my hand.

Bring me back (to reality).

Nothing makes sense.

My words are more off than they ever have been.
Tell me how much I've messed up and that I'll never amount to much if any at all.
Believe me.
I know.
I do.
I believe every word you say even if they're all lies.
And I blame myself for our faked smiles.
I've been pretending so much lately that I can't even be real at all.
Hi five me when you see me.
Brighten my day.






Something's going wrong again.



Sleep tight or not at all.
<3

I didn't write this.

"Inside the snow globe on my father's desk, there was a penguin wearing a red-and-white-striped scarf. When I was little my father would pull me into his lap and reach for the snow globe. He would turn it over, letting all the snow collect on the top, then quickly invert it. The two of us watched the snow fall gently around the penguin. The oenguin was alone in there, I thought, and I worried for him. When I told my father this, he said, "Don't worry, Susie; he has a nice life. He's trapped in a perfect world." "
---The Lovely Bones. A novel by Alice Sebold.

I want to be that penguin.
<3 Bethy.

You make my tummy tumble.

You were always the kind of boy who said you didn't care about what other people said...but you tried so hard to impress them. And as we stood there and kicked rocks down the street you told me that you cared. And I told you that I knew. And you told me that you hated yourself. And I told you that I loved you. And we agreed to disagree. So sit with me for one more day and smile at me for one more minute because I meant what I said. And I need someone to hold my hand into a new day. And you need to see that two out of three isn't bad. And we nned someone to save us before we hurt ourselves. We sure are sturdy for two broken kinds.
<3
-Bethy.

This is how they do it in Hollywood.

You lay there in your unmade bed surrounded by unsung love songs because you're too unworthy to write them. You take a few more pills to pass the time and regret every one that sinks to the pit of your stomach, unnoticed and uncared for. You think up a few more excuses for lying to the ones you love and your confessions are lies that you have to force yourself to believe. You pick at your cuticles and destroy the flesh on your wrists then look for a towel to clean up the mess that you're going to remake tomorrow night. You feel like the whole word's watching you when you're completely unknown to the majority of it's inhabitants. You haunt yourself with the fact that you wear your skin like it's too tight and there's nothing you can do to make it fit. You don't count the pills you're taking, you just take them. You know that one day you're going to wake up nonexistant and the sun's going to forget to shine and you're going to miss it and they're going to miss you. And you don't fucking care because right now that's what you want. And you're selfish for thinking that they're not going to cry when you're gone. You're the kind of persn who writes these kinds of things to people who you haven't met yet just because one day they might need it.
Ihatetalkingtomyself.
-BETHY

Tell me something worth listening to...

I'm not quite sure why I sit on that hill in the middle of the night. It's dark and scary and I fucking hate how alone I feel up there. But I still go. The wind clogs my brain and I can't think straight. I guess I've got this hope stored away that someone somewhere will be as bored and restless as me and come join me. But I know it's not going to happen. The someones that mean the most live too far away and the someone that lives close sleeps like a normal person...and could care less. Sitting on dark street corners under sicly streetlights get you nothing but a creepy name in the town directory. I get this feeling when I'm out there that something bad's happened there. It feels dangerous. And it worries me. I worry about the people around me. And I think they worry about me a little bit. If they don't, they probably should. And if they do...I wish they wouldn't. The gears in my brain don't turn just right and it's a tricky place to be left in. I get caught up all the time. Tripping on dropped hearts and tangling myself in ungreased wheels. I'm so (ob)scene. This is completely unnecessary and probably makes no sense. I wrote something the other day that I'm going to post later. Keep your eyes open. It'll be better than this. Click clickclick clickclick click click clickclick. I miss you I miss you I miss you. I do I do I do I do. Someone's making my tummy tumble. I should stop click clicking. I'm giving myself a headache. "I know the world's a broken bone. But melt your headaches...call it home." I heart whoever knows what that means.
-smilelikeyoumeanit.
BETHY.