I need to let this spill.

Aaron,
I miss you. I love you. I need you back.
But at the same time, I don't.
I don't know if you meant it when you told me you loved me, but I know I did. And I still do.
I'm not mad anymore. Just heartbroken.
I want to know WHY you left. Why didn't you tell me?
Was it because I wouldn't fuck you? Or maybe it was that I couldn't be with you 24/7.
Or could it have been that I wasn't pretty or nice enough.
Maybe I loved you too much.
Maybe I gave too much without expecting much in return.
I gave you everything.
My heart, my innocence, my love and attention. Everything. And you took it willingly and still wanted more.
I told you I wanted to wait. I told you that sex was a big deal to me. Why the fuck couldn't you respect that?
Why couldn't you wait a few months?
And then you convinced me. I loved you, you loved me, everything would be okay.
But I was scared and you didn't give a shit.
You held me and told me it would be okay, and I believed you then but not now.
And when I freaked out last minute, you were furious. You didn't tell me you loved me for almost 2 weeks.
Believe me when I tell you I wanted it. Just not then.

And that's what makes me believe that all you wanted was sex. Because if there was something else, you sure as hell didn't show it.
And if you loved me, you would have understood.

You were my world. I have NEVER. EVER. loved someone as much as I loved you. EVER.
And I just can't stop.
I've cried and sliced myself open for you again and again. Literally bleeding love.
And even when you saw the scars, you didn't seem very concerned. A "What the fuck were you thinking?" doesn't make things better.
Maybe a "I'm sorry. I love you." Or something.
But no. I got SHIT.

And then you were gone.
And I can't forget about you.
No matter how much I want to.
You are super glued to my heart. Unfortunately.

I need someone else.

-Bethy