Thursday, October 30, 2008
Halloween is my favorite holiday.
It's truly the only time I ever feel okay about myself. Only two more hours.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I am the "who" when you call "Who's there?"
Halloween is my favorite time of year. I just wish you were here. We could scream and scare poeple when it gets dark.
I over did it again. 6 this time. I'm waiting for the day when it's just one too many.
Oh, don't worry. I'll take some more in the morning so I won't be too crabby when you see me tomorrow.
They're making me lose weight. Making me think. Making me sleep.
I don't want to be like everyone else. I don't want to have to be medicated to be unconscious.
Maybe I should move into someone elses bed.
We could trade minds, too. But I don't want you stuck with this. And to be honest, I'd hate to have a mind like yours.
Even though it's probably better than mine.
This doesn't make sense, does it?
It's okay if you don't get it, but I'm not spelling it out for you.
I think the only reason you want me to get better is so you don't have to deal with it anymore.
"She's talking about me." Probably. I don't want to fight. I don't want to yell. I don't want to whisper "fuck you" everytime you turn around.
I just want you to GET IT.
No one does.
No one will.
And it's my fault because I won't say anything.
If you're letting me go, let me know so I can find someone else to hold onto. Don't just cut me off.
Got a case of the crazies.
I need to throw up.
I over did it again. 6 this time. I'm waiting for the day when it's just one too many.
Oh, don't worry. I'll take some more in the morning so I won't be too crabby when you see me tomorrow.
They're making me lose weight. Making me think. Making me sleep.
I don't want to be like everyone else. I don't want to have to be medicated to be unconscious.
Maybe I should move into someone elses bed.
We could trade minds, too. But I don't want you stuck with this. And to be honest, I'd hate to have a mind like yours.
Even though it's probably better than mine.
This doesn't make sense, does it?
It's okay if you don't get it, but I'm not spelling it out for you.
I think the only reason you want me to get better is so you don't have to deal with it anymore.
"She's talking about me." Probably. I don't want to fight. I don't want to yell. I don't want to whisper "fuck you" everytime you turn around.
I just want you to GET IT.
No one does.
No one will.
And it's my fault because I won't say anything.
If you're letting me go, let me know so I can find someone else to hold onto. Don't just cut me off.
Got a case of the crazies.
I need to throw up.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I'm so sorry, but not really.
Winter's creeping up on us and it's bringing memories with it.
Good and bad and I want them all back. I never thought I'd see this end.
But I think's it's coming sooner than we both expected. I will always love you, remember that.
What will we do when it's over? I don't want to see you walk away like them...
I'm not sure who I am or what I was, I just want to know who I'll become.
I'm scared to tell you the truth.
I'm scared to look you in the eye.
But I do love you, I promise.
I...promise.
On nights like these, I don't sleep at all.
Good and bad and I want them all back. I never thought I'd see this end.
But I think's it's coming sooner than we both expected. I will always love you, remember that.
What will we do when it's over? I don't want to see you walk away like them...
I'm not sure who I am or what I was, I just want to know who I'll become.
I'm scared to tell you the truth.
I'm scared to look you in the eye.
But I do love you, I promise.
I...promise.
On nights like these, I don't sleep at all.
Monday, October 20, 2008
"Let love go.
...it'll rage and then come back to you."
I painted clouds on a wall today and then imagined myself floating on them. I married a figment of my imagination because he's the only one that will ever love me. I wrote a song that I can sing and you'll never ever hear. I figured out that I'm no one and it makes me happy. I cried because the feeling is more natural than dry eyes. I let my body handle itself and my soul flew to France to meet someone else. I hugged my grandma with cancer and it was the most alive I've ever felt. I talked to someone all day about him because it makes me feel better. I forgot that you existed, if even for a minute. I laid down and watched hypothetical animals float over me. I stared at the sun until the tears dried up. I breathed in paint fumes as deep as I could and then laughed them off. I hugged a my heart and soul and he made everything okay. I have fallen back in love with the world, though it may only last a day.
"Thank you for staying steady. For never getting sick at sea."
I painted clouds on a wall today and then imagined myself floating on them. I married a figment of my imagination because he's the only one that will ever love me. I wrote a song that I can sing and you'll never ever hear. I figured out that I'm no one and it makes me happy. I cried because the feeling is more natural than dry eyes. I let my body handle itself and my soul flew to France to meet someone else. I hugged my grandma with cancer and it was the most alive I've ever felt. I talked to someone all day about him because it makes me feel better. I forgot that you existed, if even for a minute. I laid down and watched hypothetical animals float over me. I stared at the sun until the tears dried up. I breathed in paint fumes as deep as I could and then laughed them off. I hugged a my heart and soul and he made everything okay. I have fallen back in love with the world, though it may only last a day.
"Thank you for staying steady. For never getting sick at sea."
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