God must be a mean and lonely man.

I need Tana more than God does.
Matilda needs Heath more than God does.
Jessica needs MeMe more than God does.
HH needs Casey more than God does.
David and April need Ethan more than God does.

I want him to stop taking people away. It hurts too bad.
He's selfish.
I hate him.

This is my 100th post.

Head on over to www.cantsleepever.blogspot.com

Insane.

The Joker taught me something.

Don't take yourself so damn seriously, no one else does.


I'm going to write a story from the mind of a mad man.
Realistically from my mind, but no one needs to know that.
If they did they'd probably lock me up and throw away the key.

I may start a new blogspot especially for it.

Keep your eyes open.

60---
We're getting closer.

I could bleed my heart out to you, and I don't think you'd care.

Because "every teenager feels like that"

That makes me hate you. You don't FUCKING care.
I won't let this go.

I could waste forever and a day telling you how much it hurts, and you'd shrug it off as normal behavior.
This is not normal.
I am not okay.

I am nothing like you or anyone else.

I don't believe what you believe.
I don't have faith in God.
I don't love everyone.

I do believe things will get better, because the day is darkest before the dawn and no matter what happens, the dawn will come.

That is simply why I haven't ended it yet.
Because for once I'm looking on the bright side.
I'm not taking you so seriously.

I'm loving only the ones who will love me back.
And caring only about the ones who care back.

I'M PUTTING A SMILE ON MY FACE.

I like to deal with your problems.

Truly. I can probably fix them better than my own.

I'd much rather deal with yours than mine.

I want to live in third person.

Like a book character so I can makeup my own story.

60---
I don't get it.

I can't sleep ever.

There's nothing but lightbulbs to keep you company at 3 AM,
when you realize that it ain't getting any better than it is.

Makes me glad I am the way I am.
Because I still say things that aren't sincere,
the kind that you want to hear.
And I'll still turn my back on you if given the chance.
And I want to change, but I really can't.

Like how I only love because it hurts worse when I forget to.

I want to change that and who I am,
and who you want me to be,
and who I should be,
and what I'm going to be.
But I have no idea how
or who
or what.
So I just won't.

"You're gonna figure something out, you always do."